Sick... wah... oh so sick... wah...

16/04/26
14.47
Yesterday i told gran my nose spray is almost empty. She said she would buy it this morning. This morning i woke up she says shell get it at 13.30 bc she felt lazy. Im like yea sure nw but i do rly need it asap bc its tge only thing keeping me sane. Its now later. I get up... she din get it yet... my nose spray empty... my whole face hurts so bad 

Cw uh? Self harm? And needles. I will put it between -! content !- so ppl can skip

Post con rambles

Idk what kinda demons im fighting in my sleep but when i woke up my matress was like 1/4th scootched outa my bed frame.
I went to bed 13/04/26 around 4am and woke up 14/04/26 around 11am

The 11th and 12th it was FACTS Spring! i did not end up finishing everything i wanted but i was still really happy with the end result of my rebrand! Anything i wasnt able to do this time i hope to achieve next time. I also will have to make some changes (was to be expected). Sticker display works great!
But keychain and phone charm will need to be changed, mainly the way i put on the things... Like i wanted to be able to put em on and after con take em off without ripping anything of the paper. I wanted to laminate them myself but laminate not big enough. So will have to re-order those displays, but might end up re-ordering all of them (so including the sticker) bc i want the colors to match. But will depend price wise.

15.43
I hit my mid-day tired ough
Ive been counting stock (did stickers, still need to do keychains, phone charms and buttons. Im trynna sell out of my pins so im not rly counting those). And ofc adhd is now like "stop counting do other task" so every bussines card i collected (and got from friends) trough the weekend ive put in my binder. Its becoming heavy lmao. Really like my binder! i forgot to bring it to con but ill bring it to whatever i see my friends at next time (bday party?) and now i wanna make more mystery sticker packs lol. I also need to remind myself to make mystery packs (general) BEFORE con bc i never get to it during.

17.48
Finished making mystery sticker packs and counting keychains... if im correct i "only"sold like 20 keychains (not suprised bc i didnt make any new designs) wich at min comes to around 200 euro (since i do a 2 for 20euro) but i know i sold like singular keychains to ppl.
Next con (FACTS Fall 26) im not gonna focus on stickers or phone charms (like i might end up making some tho) but i wanna focus on making keychains and more buttons. Maaybee a new sticker sheet? 

what fkn day even is it

Bruh i was so fucking confused. My calendar (in my phone) said today is wednesday tge 8th. Like i knew that wasnt posible but also why tf would my calendar b wrong. But i know i was in vc w friends tge 7th and tgen slept rly long.... so no way that was yesterday?? 

Well turns out my calendar was wrong. Idk how? Like usually it indicates when u press a didr date then tge current one.. but for sone reasen it indicated today ws 8?? Eitherway i had to refresh it by pressing on the thong on tge top right.  

Wich means

Exactly a month till my birthday

Tomorow is setup n i havmt finished AA prep yet

Exactly a week from now tomodachi life comes out yippay

Anyway its 03.45 rn so imma continue sleeping a lil more

 Made a long entree and bc i was so tired i accidently deleted it. lil upset sigh

i finishd oh god

18.51: woke up around 16 n couldnt sleep anymore. Ate tho lowkey upset ab my food bc it was 1/4 fries n 3/4 greasy ass meat, however if im hunfry later imma bake some tatos w an egg. Business cards arrived! My hand/wrist hurst... not yay. Pls pray for me that i finish my shit

03.28: Didnt finish everything on my to do list but the other stuff will have to be for next edition. Finally put in my order and it should arrive friday... but now im hella anxious i forgot to order something...
Welp gon go to bed im tired

Used car salesman ab me; this thang can fit so much sleep in it

Imb so mad rn. It was a miday tired. I slept a good 3h n woke up needing to pee (i sleep in blocks of 3/5 hours) n now im not feeling sleep tired, tho i think i should b able to sleep some more. For tge record its 5.30 am rn n i got in bed around 1am.

The other day friends read my notes on Ilya. Friend said "gob and their vaguely religious cult themes r inseperable". Screaming, its true LMAO. Other friend asked if its bc religious trauma, but its not! My familie thinks religion is a joke 90% r eitger atheist or agnostic. Only ones i rly know to b overtly religios where my great grand mother and my great uncle (my grans mom n eldest brother). But neither ever tried to convert me. I think it might just b the same like japan. As in the relation of why theres so much crosses n western religious themes in alot of anime. N the main reasen is just "it looks cool" LMAO.

I did follow christian classes from like 6y/o till 12. I did my first comunion but thas it. I remember that class being boring. Just kinda coloring religious pages, reading in book ab some guy magicly making fish apear n whatnot. I di remember the teacher getting upset w me for not writing in the lines. And me asking questions wich frustrated them (likw just asking how tf jesus could walk on water ect). I also remember praying b4 bed, wich was just like "hello dear god, pls let my family be happy and let them love long healthy lives". Wich followed in like 8y/o me having a panic atack bc i was spiraling into "i will die, im so scared of dying, i wont b able to experience anymore" ect (wich not so fun fact, still a major trigger, i try to avoid the topic like the plauge). As of my beliefs rn im? Uh? Agnostic? Maybe slightly spiritual leaning? 

Its now 1pm. I woke up around 8am to pee again. I think since then i slept more but i honestly dont know. Im tired.. maybe i can sleep some more... after going to toillet that is. Ok its not like im ab tonpe myself, but my body just refuses to rest further untill i go pee. Hhhhhh (update on this; im very confused by the time stamps. i think i wrote em wrong. welp)

 

It is now 11am... woke up around 3am? fell asleep a few short times and got out of bed around 9. Safe to say i slept alot... Its saterday I RLY NEED TO GET AA DONE THIS WEEKEND!

My hands hurt from the cold, but i need to draw, oh woe is me.

It is 14.26, i hit midday tired. Wont go to bed ofc, but will take a lil break. Im in pain (headache and lower back), its bearable but annoying

22.24 rn... not finished...  im too lazy to properly explain however i explained to friend so just gon copy paste that 
"i wanna add stickers to sticker box, but i have new system so the names aremt correct anymore, so must take namers off the plastic cards (gran did that for me) and i put stickers on table so theyre styill kinda sorted? but i want them IN BOX, but they need to b sorted in box by number. but idk number yet bc i need to put them on display. so rn im orgenizing them digitally to put on display so i know what order top put them in
but i need to rly finish stuff top print from print n bind! but i promised gran to take the stickers of tab;e today"
so i finished but now im tired n have no energy to draw anymore. 

Went to bed at 1am, its now 2am... the following day rah 
Blessed be my local pizza place for being open to deliver till 2am. I tried their bolognese pizza (tomato sauce, minced meat, cheese, onion and garlic sauce) its rly nice imo!
I got outa bed around 0.30

The other day my mf nailpolish racks got deliverd... the thing i orderd last... bruh 
I hope the other stuff will arive asap, ESP my stamp bc i need to b stamping shit (cough, "make" my gran do it). I bought like a pack of mixed colored paper bags, n thered b some black ones wich dont rly fit my brand nor could i stamp those (u know black ink on black paper...) but i do have these round colord label stickers, maybe i could use those? Might look nice
Also gotta remind myself its not the end of the world if i dont finnish everything on my to do list im terms of display/decorations. I can always add/change things for a next edition

Finished my main banner (saying my name and has Marigold peeking from the cloud) and set up the files. Wont be doing Lux for this edition. Im tired again... miday tired? Its 4.15am rn hhh. I just want my shit finished so i can order it. I ended up doing those japanese morning radio excercises, it wasnt hard (tho lil confusing since i never done it b4), it helped a lil but still tired. 

Also on chicken smoothie theres an easter event now, every 20 mins u can collect eggs (by just looking trough the site) and u can trade those for a pet. Except i keep getting the same 2 kinds. theres 4 difr types of eggs and u need a combination of 3 to trade. So! i cant!! get any!!! rah!!

Ok i finished making my mystery sticker label/price thing. I made it so they need 2 stickers/labels. 1 in the front that says what it is and one in the back w extra info like how many there are inside, my name ect. This way i can use the black paper. Just annoyed bc its a lil bland. But at the same time it is just packaging that ppl will likly throw away, maybe in the future ill think of smtg better.
Also saw that i should b expecting some packages today, yippee 

9am: It just dawned on me i made 1 of the files for my banner wrong, WHEN WILL THIS END AAAAA. I have a cloud w my name on and want the word to be on a separate piece of foam so it looks more 3d... but i made the file just the cloud w the word on. hhh
Luckly i was able to put it on a smaller paper (need to print my banner on 2 A2 sized paper, the word fits just in an A3 if u put it sideways LMAO)
Also im now just kinda stalking the tracking codes for my packages 

11.55am: pakiges yaaay! Yippee!!
One tiny and 2 rly big ass ones??
14.11pm: i checked trough the packages, then gran made lunch. Everything came except the stamp. Great! Also... one of the long boxes came aswel? i supose the only had one and refunded the others lol. one of the smaller boxes came w a lil damage wich i was fine with... but then another small boxs lid is broken (theres a hole in it aaa)
Also the black paper bags turned out to be purple so thas nice. tho my mistake theyre not sticker sized so that wouldnt have worked anyway. Will try n fix the plastic boxes... with tape
FINGERS HURT BC COLD, i wear finger-less gloves bc i need the dexterity to do stuff.

23.04: Got in vc n now will sleep... ended up not finishing... soon... next time im awake... for now i hibernate once again

To sleep or not to sleep... honestly not much of a question

Screaming i saw that i had up to 5h on instagram daily, i put a timer for an hour. I hate instagram, adhd  traps me into watching reels for hours and hours hhh. 
Next fucking issue, I STILL DIN FINISH EVERYTHING, I WAS HOPING TO ORDER THIS WEEK BUT WAAAAAAA. Im mainly-
i need yall to know i got distracted, managed to open instagram and scroll trough reels for a bit after writing that. 
But now... the Gob is conflicted... I woke up around 2pm, it is now 12am. I did work on AA. I am however tired. But im unsure what kind of tired. Bc if i wake up in the morning i get tired around noon, wich i consider miday tired, i get over that by doing some stretches but if id lay down id pass tf out. Im unsure if this is my miday tired or propper i wanna go sleep tired. On one side i wanna stay up n work more on AA, i saw that Kurtis Conner will b streaming in a hour so that would b perfect. On the other if im actuallly properly sleep tired i wont b able to work on AA, n just sit at my desk untill i fall asleep of exhaustion. Curently its cold and rainy, my favorite type of weather to chill in bed... man idk wtf i is up, if its too cold or warm my body craves sleep to the extend of just falling asleep at my desk. Its so annoying bc i got shit to do. I HATE BEING CHRONICLY EXHAUSTED! And bc im tired 24/7 i sometimes stay awake for 24h+ bc... im tired anyway? but its a difr kind of tired then my miday or sleep tired... i feel like im making no sense LMAO. 

I feel my bed calling to me... and i think the stream will very likly b availble after aswel... I wanna get cozy in my bed, warm up my warmies.... listen to some tunes (i have a sleep playlist, but i also like putting up Daft punks Discovery album, wich fun fact after the album came out daft punk had it made into some kind of movie called Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem! It basicly only plays their music w no talking, but has cool anime inspired animation! i recomend it just for the vibes)

on an entirely unrelated note, my tummy not doing so good... not pain... but theres smtg going on 

Ok yea bed won, imma honk shoo

jooj

Eye update: stable, i got nose spray to clear up all mucus and that seems to work.

Friends came over on saturday n we labeled stuff together. I was rly uncomfortable due to pain and being too hot so i had as hard time focusing and didnt end up finishing.
After they left i chilled and then went into vc with other friends. Been watching Jojos bizare adventure with a friend... but only when were both in vc. Days im not they continue watching but then just fill me in after. I ask them alot of questions and they always try to answer or look it up. I partially do this bc this is how i show affection (attempting to engage in friends interest so they can talk about it without feeling self-conscious bc theyre "just answering my question"). But ive come to like it too, just casually tho. But especially fanart.

I wanna finish my display stuff before the weekend ends but i dont think that will be possible sadly :^(

So the plastic boxes i bought that where too big got canceled? And ive been refunded. Welp. But they also canceled the nailpolish rack >:^( 

Is now tuesday morning, orderd bussines cards. Not best work, nor worst. Orderd 500 of em 

For some reasen i smelled lasagna... now im hungry... hm. 

Started rewatching s1 of live action one piece. Well i have it on my 2nd monitor while working on stuff.

Mainly need to finish price tags, decorations n some signs. Told gran n she already offered help (w like stamping paper bags, putting cards in bags ect) so thas nice :^)

Gran woke me up w chicken burger, chicken sate and cheeseballs. I inhalled those (yom) and now ready to pass tf out again. But ngl for a second i thought "waw life isnt all that bad" LMAO

Oh i had.. idea for new character, i supose kinda Frankensteins monster. Theyre called Mac. But unlike Vicktor their creator is obsessed w them? Macs creator is a "famous" surgeon (its in Laewyn, in Taublivoras lower parts) who with the guise of helping those in need preys on the poor and disabled. Basicly she performs surgery for verry cheap or even free but with horrible conditions. She performs these surgeries under a live audience 
I passed tf out after this LMAO, its now 2pm on wednesday and i dont feel like talking further ab this atm (i think in my half asleep state i just had more confidence to talk ab it?)

Today wimdy af holy hell, also cold. Had to put my long pants on lmao. 

Rly wanna work more on my neocities site but i NEED to finish my stuff for artist alley first hhh. Also just realized theres only 2 and a half weeks left, shitting my pantalones rn! 
Tomodachi lifes demo came out today and will be playing that together with a friend in the evening (as in we both play our respective games, while in vc). So im charging my switch n downloading that. Will be working on AA stuff till friend is online, should give me ample time to work and then get reward with playing demo

Finished some stuff yippaay. But i had to share that i discovered the existence of a Mudi. A hungarian dog breed. Their appearance seem to resemble that of a border collie but with a curly coat (obv much difr but just explaining to ppl who dont know). It seems that one of their natural colors can be merle wich is cool. Fyi to those unaware; from tha googl "Merle is a genetic pattern in a dog's coat and alleles of the PMEL gene. It results in different colors and patterns and can affect any coats". Wich in and of itself is a neutral thing. However those insane dog breeders always love to make some bullshit. Wich leads to french bulldogs with a long merle coat... Since this is not a normal (aka breed standard) coat color you can only achieve this by sheer "luck" or incest. Ofc ppl know the problems that come with that (well more so i hope) but the merle coat can also affect the skin of the dog where the lighter parts can get sunburned ect. BUT OFC PPL WHO BUY THOSE WEIRD ASS BREEDS DONT KNOW SO THEY JUST GET AN INBRED ANIMAL WITH A SKIN CONDITION.... AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON DOODLES THOSE ARE MUTS!!! YOU CAN ONLY GET THEM BY COMBINING 2 DOGS!!! THAS A MUT!!! JUST GET A FUKCING POODLE!!!... NO NVM DONT GET A POODLE, NONE OF THEM KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR COATS!!!... ok i need to calm tf down. But just know im exploding all those ppl with my mind. Anyway heres a picture of the Mudi, i love them alot. 

MY EYESSSS AAAAAAAAAA PLS TAKE EM OUT AAAAAAAA

2 friends of mine wrote a story based on the DND campaign we played, im currently listening to it with text to speech bc 1 i need to do stuff and 2 i... reading... ough. 
Anyway wanted to draw and i??? my fuckiong??? tablet??? I have 2 screens and i set it so my drawing tablet only functions on my main one. And i notice when trying to draw it was off? like my pen wasnt where it was supposed to be? and i check and i can use my pen on my second screen?? Sure enough when i look in the settings theyre wrong!! but all my shortcuts are correct?? im so confused

Eyes update, i wanna rip them out! I wanted to go to doctor again but theres a public transport strike. What if i just jump outa my window hmm. Pls all i want is to not have snotty eyes, is that so much to ask?

I woke up around 1am and stayed in bed till 6am, i was hoping to sleep more but whatever. Ill likely get tired earlier which ill need bc tomorrow friends will come over. Were going to label our merch together.

Rn im putting all my resources into one big google sheets thing. I can share it with difrent people then, keep it better organized and updated. Autism brain go crazy: "yippee i make a list yippeee"
Its up n running! at the top "WebDev Resources" obv still need to add more but i did put all my templates on it. When i finished doing that i know ive seen more templ;ates around... so def will keep my eyes (augh) open for that

When in bed i was looking trough the notes on my phone, I found some world building notes and a few rough drafts i wrote for Ilyas story (character of mine). I read it and most still lines up so thas cool. Theyre from 2021 tho. I think ill put them on my characters blog, its old but its something. Ive only shared bits n bops with 2 friends... well my best friend and my partner... Id love for more of my friends to know my characters but... im scared lmao. 
My stories delve into some... uh... uncomfortable topics... some characters are morally questionable at best. And i know alot of my friends dont share my fascination for gore and grotesque things. Ill just have to tag stuff/add warnings i guess. But anxiety is like "u wrote smtg bad/weird, now they will think youre just like that character/condone the bad things". AND ALSO "the writers barely disguised fetish" IM MORTIFIED!! I DONT!!! NEED THEM TO KNOW THINGS THAT I DONT REALIZE MYSELF!!! Well and also ofc the "oh god im not good at writing stories, people will think im stupid" wich i mean, ill just have to get over (i used to have that about my art and thats now ok...)

Its now 18.05 im going feral, im gonna bite somebody
i resurrected my laptop and will b using that tomorrow for labeling. The colors of the screen r so dull compared to my monitors... also... so small... toiny
Imma skip food (will eat it when i wake up) and head to bed. Im just so frustrated and uncomfortable. Gran msgd DR, he hasnt replied yet (its friday so alot of ppl will b at his office) but i should get a nise spray prescribed n hopefully get it tomorrow. 

Just one last thing, i sketched this lil doodle n imdietly got ideas for a new character. Theyre Called Eos, God of fortune and luck. Theyre often seen with Helion, god of the sun (warmth, power, life, yada, yada). I like to think that the thing between their antlers was a gift from Helion :3

 

Ok imma knock myself tf out b4 i crawl my eyes out...

...cough scroll my tumbly, eat a cookie and then fall asleep lmao

busnus rambles

Bought a bunch of stuff for the rebrand, including 3 tablecloths... yes three. And i would be using all of them plus a table skirt. The table skirt is too sheer on its own + i need it to actually cover my table lmao.
Just wanna sum up some of the stuff ive bought, for me to look back at and maybe to help somebody?