Every year on my birthday i get sad one way or another. I think its partially due to being faced w one of my biggest fears (passage of time/death). Many times i just end up bawling my eyes out. I just end up thinking ab so many of my insecuritys. And now im like, do i just push everything away? To beat my own expectations? Its depressing each year on my bday being like "welp gues ill b sad again". But idk if pushing my feelings aside will b tge solution. It is my bday im allowed to be sad.
I just dont wanna be sad again.
Its like 2am rn, its like tge slightest bit too hot rn to sleep. But im tired.
When i wake up i might order boba, just to celebrate a little bit (im exited for my bday party ofc! But thas next week).
Hm im trying to identify my feelings. Why am i sad.
Its like something is missing, inheritly, inside me. Just this empty hole i dont know how to fill up. Like the last piece of a puzzle thats gone.
Its like expectations wherent met.... ah
Realization hit... perhaps?
Im yet again a year older, And yet again im no better.
Maybe one year ill finally be able to accept my own disabilitys