I was bullied then, kids didnt like me. There where alot of cliques and there very much was a "populair/cool" kids one. They where my age, but i had to re-do a year so i automaticly was the odd one out there. I remember trying to play with them and just getting told they didnt like me. I once had a birthday party at an indoor playground. My family allowed me to invite my whole class (hmmm about 30?) I was so exited! But at the actual party only my neice and a neighbour kid showed up bc they drove with me. None of my classmates showed up. None even let me know they couldnt come. My family was angry at the parents, but i doubt my classmates even showed them the invitation. I was hurt and felt so alone. It was such a misreble time, the workers where rly akward aswel. I didnt have a birthday party anymord after that (well not untill i was an adult). I remember going to school after that and asking my classmates. "Didnt have time" or "had smtg else planned" or my favorite "i forgot". A girl i thought was my friend then said she went to disneyland, i told her i get that she chose that instead of my bday party but the least she couldv done was let my family know she couldnt make it. She just acted akward. I was often excluded and not allowed to play with the other kids.
So i often brought my lps to school and played with those by myself. I made these eleborate stories and build sandcastles for them. The younger kids sometimes played with me then. Less so for me, mainly bc i allowed them to play with my lps. Idk how or when but i did end up becoming friends with one of the problem kids. She was a real menace, none of the other kids liked her, parents hated her and teachers warned me. We often just ended up talking by the gate staring at the street. She was mean, but not to me. We became like a pair and thus the bullying stopped. Teachers where scared she was gonna be a bad influence on me. But instead i was a good influence on her. She was still a menace for sure, but overall she calmed down bit by bit. In 3th year of higschool we attended difr school, slowly we started to drift away. We have compleatly difr lives now but i often thonk of her. I apreciate her alot, if it wherent for her idv had an absolutly misreble childhood. I sometimes see lil updates on fb, she has a kid now, also moved away outa the city. I sometimes get the urge to msg her, i just wanna like have a catch up w her. See how shes doing now ect.
And then i think of some of the others in middle school, not all of them where terrible. But just classmates. I wonder if any of them think of me? Would they even recognize me now?
I dont think id recognize myself tbf. Back then i didnt know i was trans, idv never imagined my life to turn out this way. I think kid me would have a mental breakdown seeing how i look rn. But id atleast be so incredibly exited to finally have actual friends. People who dont just hang around me bc they have to. Kid me would perhaps be more exited ab the fact im still into lps and infact own multiple of my dreamies.
Its the 8th of may, tomorow is my birthday. Im turning 26. Next week is my birthday party, i share this with a friend. My friends will be there, im so happy to have met them all :3
(I know yall read this, leave me alone. Im allowed to b a lil sappy)
Pls imagine me hissing and hiding away like a vampire being shown sunlight