Today i slept a whole day (w my usual pee get ups) n open tomodachi whenever snew items r in shop. Not tgat i do it on the dot but theyre at 05.00, 06.00 (new day) 12.00 and 17.00. N then i also play a lil. I just finished eatong some leftovers. N now back in bed.
Since FACTS spring 26 ive been in some kinda waiting mode. I know im doing stuff but i gen cannot remember majority of it. B4 con i was rly busy w deadline n whenever that ends i feel like an old sock. Just a lil lost? Im not hyperfixating on anything atm. Havnt coded in a bit. I wanna! But that fixation passed. So i kinda just forget ab it until like rn in bed thinking "man i couldv done xyz".
Ive also been sevearly ignoring my feelings again, yippee! It sure is botteling up tho! As if i need to vomit i feel everything come up at once, my heart beats faster. I feel it in my stomach and chest, something heavy. I feel it in my arms, hands, legs and face, tingling? Buzzing? I feel i want to cry, scream, i wanna bite. I feel like a terrified dog curled in a corner, just taking everything in. But "unexpectetly" ill snap.
But i take a breath and push it al away. Theres nothing i can do. I know its bad but the alternative is a complete meltdown with... also no change.
So i just push it all away by trying to keep my mind ocupied 24/7... or sleeping... wich festers itself in nightmares hhh.
"Why not talk ab your troubles" i do sometimes. Often times it makes me physicly nauseaus, insecure and agitated... n i rly dont wanna lash out at ppl tryna help.
So i maladaptive daydream ab my characters to cope. I rly wish i was less anxious ab sharing stuff. I managed to put a lil blurb up again. I noticed im only rly able to do it when im rly tired and ready to sleep... wich might lead to some incomprihensible bits... but i try to counter the anxiety by telling myself im sharing for myself.
Perchance im slowly doing worse again. Mental health wise. Perhaps the only thing keeping me sane is fixating on some bs
Im tired