Grans been in the hospital for a lil over 3 weeks now. Had ups n downs but all n all shes doing fine
got my bajilionth headache, yaaay
Ive been surviving "on my own"
My brother is here during the week but we dont rly talk? were both just on our own pcs, me in my room n he in the livingroom.
Im a lil irritated im bound to using only one stove due to my fear of fire, but im making due.
I like making a "big meal" when i wake up, meals ppl usually eat for lunch or dinner. Bc i have energy then, and for later i have something more easy
Gran wants me to cook a lil when shes back, wich im ok with... but the way im living rn is that i cook when i wake up... wich can be at 8am, 10pm or even 2am... so yea not sure how that will go but ill see
Star shaped glasses came, maybe its bc im not looking... ok? groomed? idk, but idk if they look ok?Tomorow im celebrating some friends bday togeter. Will wear the glasses then and see opinions
Im unsure if im overdoing myself? I think im curently on an ok flow? I go to my gran twice a week, id go more but ive found that i need atleast 2 days after to rest. My days go: i go to my gran (i try to arrive around 16:00 so i wake up around 14 max 15), after i watch a movie with my friend trough discord. I need a few hours to myself n usually go to bed anytime between 3am to 6am. I then sleep up to 24h (no im not joking) so i get out of bed a day later in the morning. The next day i visit my gran again (or planned another thing???)
I feel a bit pathetic, but this is like the most active im able to handle, im now still able to have energy to do other things at home (draw, cook, chores, take care of myself ect). But i do feel like this is my limit, if i exceed this i will start doing bad (mainly energy wise)
its mainly bc i wish i could do more. i wish i could visit my gran everyday, i wish i could hang out with friends more often, i wish i could have a job, i wish i wasnt disabled. But i have so little energy. And i hate that even tho im technically doing ok rn, im so sad that this is the best ill ever be. This is the most "functional" im able to get. And the knowledge that there wont be a "better" to look forward to.
But its bittersweet? bc im so privileged to be able to live like this, and im greateful that im allowed to live like this. Yet i mourn somebody ill never be, in the back of my mind i keep that little bit of hope "maybe one day ill get better"